I’m dabbling with putting a little more “me” in my art. Talking about things that aren’t necessarily tailored to monetization. Videos that don’t actually serve any purpose, like music and dancing. Just art for its own sake. Once I’ve created it, it’s done.
Well, not quite done — the final step is seeing what reaction it creates (if any), and seeing what my reaction to that reaction says about me. Here are the few reactions I’m expecting and their implications.
No one cares. This is generally the reaction I expect when I upload YouTube videos that aren’t about dental hygiene or protective hairstyles. This would reaffirm that my audience doesn’t especially care to hear my “takes” on things, and that I should continue creating videos for me as the most important audience, since no one’s especially pressed.
Some people care. This would be a delightful surprise. I can see myself engaging back and forth with folks in the comment section. Getting those hits of dopamine when I see I have responses in my notifications. This would buoy me as I continue creating because the vacuum of Internet space would feel far less hostile.
A lot of people care. This would take me aback. This would make me question the value I’ve ascribed to myself and take that same eye toward other areas of my life. This would make me think deeply about the next piece of content I put out. I would probably begin to feel pressure that the people who hit Subscribe genuinely care about my work, and weren’t just mindlessly reacting to the prompt at the end of my videos.
In all these instances, I would still create and I would still share, but the joy of the process might change. Part of me wishes that I was strong enough that no matter the response, I could still create art that is true to myself. It’s humbling to realize that my connections to people online, folks I’ll never meet and never know, has power of me. Though I suppose recognizing this reality is the first step, and the next will be doing something about it.